Dear reader,  I am particularly sorry to have to confess to you that reading the book you are holding in your hands will be extremely unpleasant. This book tells the sad story of three very unfortunate children. They are the Baudelaire siblings, who, although very charming and smart, have lives full of hardships and misfortunes. From the very first page of the book, where the children are on the beach and learn the tragic news, the disasters continue until the last. One could say that these children attract misery like magnets. Already in the first book, the one you are holding, the three siblings face a greedy and repulsive man, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to lose their fortune, and cold porridge for breakfast. I have taken on the difficult task of recording these sad stories. However, you have the choice to put the book down right now and read something else, more pleasant—if, of course, you prefer such a thing.  With deep appreciation,  Lemony Snicket